MIA

Yeah. I haven't been keeping up with the blog. Boo. Hoo.

This week is vacation week for the kids so working out has been tough. I've taken them on a couple long walks where they have used their scooters, so it does count for something. But, it certainly didn't get my heart rate up.

I also had company over last night and um... I ate pizza. Cheesy gooey nummy pizza. I haven't had that in a really, really long time. Right before I ate I was feeling super nauseous. I don't know what was wrong. I even had to lay down a few times. But I was ok after eating, which is surprising.

I'm frustrated with my diet. I didn't make a set plan to follow, so I am wandering around Dietville aimlessly. I should make a better plan of action. I have a fold out 10 day diet plan that came with my Turbo Jam videos. Most of the food on it I don't like! I don't eat fish, and that is in several dinner meals. I'm so sick of chicken. So, I have to make a decision. Perhaps go after something a little more vegetarian for a while until my appetite for poultry returns.

I'm going to be walking a ton at the end of May for the Relay For Life. I have to build up my legs for that. Perhaps if I start doing some walking I will develop stronger feet. The last time I walked in Relay For Life, I was so sore for days and had so many blisters. I need new sneakers.

That is all. I am going to mull over some diet ideas, perhaps run to the grocery store... and take my kids outside before it gets snowy and rainy. They feel better and behave much better when they do.

I'm fresh out of titles. And salad.

For some reason, the thought of eating salad right now makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

I need some effin' variety in my diet. I've come to the point where I am sick of eating the same old things, and have a total lack of creativity to find something new and exciting to cook. I've had so much chicken lately. It's disgusting.

I've still got the lingering arm ache that I've had since that stupid car crash. It's beginning to drive me nutty. It's not so bad in the mornings, but the later it gets the more it starts to ache. Right in my left bicep, elbow and forearm. By the time I go to bed, I am ready to rip my hair out because it is so annoying. It has even woken me up in the middle of the night. I sleep on my side, and if I even dare to think I can sleep on my left... I wake up to this awful throbbing in my muscle which makes it impossible to get back to sleep. I'm SO sick of it.

And I feel like I can't go to the doctors for it. First off, it's been over a week since the accident. If I go to the doctors and they ask me what I did to injure myself, my answer is "car accident", which automatically flags my account in Billing. They will want insurance information, and I'm sorry but that just seems SILLY.... especially eight days after the fact. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking, ah hell stop being a baby and wait for it to get better. I know it is probably just a muscle thing, and what are they really going to do for me? Not much of anything, in my opinion. I don't have any desire to go to physical therapy or anything like that, nor do I believe I really need it. I'm just so irritated. I've done the whole over-the-counter pain relievers and it's just.not.helping.

I'm going to stop whining now. And I'm going to go watch Grey's Anatomy. I need me a big heaping dose of Hottie McHotness.

Nummy.

Month One Results

Beginning weight: 170 (01/01/09)
Starting BMI: 29.8
Current weight: 163.5 (02/01/09)
Current BMI: 29.0 (-0.8)
Total lost: 6.5 pounds

Neck: 15 (-0.75)
Left bicep: 13.5 (no change)
Right bicep: 13.5 (-0.5)
Chest: 43 (no change)
Upper Abs: 38.5 (-1.0)
Waist: 38 (-0.25)
Lower Abs: 39.75 (-.75)
Right Upper Thigh: 22.75 (-0.25)
Right Lower Thigh: 17 (-1.25)
Left Upper Thigh: 23 (no change)
Left Lower Thigh: 18.25 (-0.25)
Right calf: 14.5 (-0.5)
Left calf: 13.5 (-1.0)

Total inches lost: 6.5

JANUARY RECAP:
I did not follow my exercise plan at all times.
My diet left much to be desired sometimes. Ok fine... most of the time.
I didn't have a high level of motivation, but kept plugging away.
I did lose weight, but I wonder if it would have been more if I put in 100%.

FEBRUARY GOALS:
I will exercise AT LEAST 4 days a week.
I will make sure to drink AT LEAST 8 glasses of water every day.
I will not have second helpings unless it is SALAD.
I will make sure to eat salad FIRST before I eat any of my meal.
I will also drink a full glass of water before my meals to prevent overeating.
I will make sure to get ALL of my fruit and veggie servings each and every day.
I will reach AT LEAST 155 by March 1st.

Holy Crap Sandwich!

I just realized that I never posted my Monday weigh in, nor did I post my cholesterol numbers. I am a bad doobie. I can safely say that is was not out of laziness. It was definitely a shitty week. I wrecked my Jeep on Wednesday and that has definitely sucked the will to live right out of my life temporarily. Doesn't help that I am nursing some mild whiplash, soreness in my forearms where I obviously gripped the wheel for dear life. And yesterday, oddly enough, both of my knees started hurting. I think I may have hit them on the steering column? I was wearing my Super Snazzy Safety Seatbelt so I don't know. Something made them sore, and it ain't the gout or the rheumatoid arthritis. Must be the MORON who hit me.

Alas, in the spirit of trying to not be such an ugly, complaining, bitch-of-a-person this 2009... I must say that this driver had several things working against him. It was January 28, 2009 and in New England that means several things:

• It was cold as balls.
• We had at least an inch of rain - which in New England terms means - we got atleast a half of a leg calf of snow... depending on how tall or short one may be.
  
• A.D.D Moment: I happen to be pathetically short... about 63 inches. A foot of snow can actually be somewhat of a fright for a short person like me. The snowfall we received on the day in question equals to about 1/5th of me. We all know that an adult can drown in a very small amount of water, and snow is just frozen water.... oh Bejebus! The horror! I've actually considered attaching one of those big metal rods with a flag on the top to my back so I can be located in the snow drifts. You know the ones... they stick them in the ground next to fire hydrants so when some schmuck decides to go down in a blaze of glory with a cheap, after-market space heater... the authoriti know where to dig for the high pressure water supply.
  
• The temperature went from "cold as balls" to only "a tit nipply" somewhere in the middle of the day, causing our otherwise fluffy, delicate, light-weight snowfall to turn into heavy, evil, ice covered snow.
• The guy in the other car had a spare tire on the front of his car. I know how some people like to drive around with those on for much longer than it was intended. Perhaps it is a status symbol. Or a statement. "Listen Homies that may or may not be considering hijacking my semi-phat ride... I was able to change my flat tire to a spare tire, so that means I have a lug wrench in my car and I am not afraid to use it." Status symbol, weapon or whatnot.. it doesn't matter. Spare tires aren't for snowy icy roads that you feel like driving on while I am attempting to drive on them. Perhaps he was jealous of my massively huge Jeep tires and popped the passenger side one out of spite. Fucker.
  
• The state of Massachusetts is POOR... well ok, not Boston so much... but Springfield?? HELLO? They built the Mass Pike straight through the state so one would assume that money has no issues traveling over here, but as the saying goes the bucks stops... somewhere else... like in the teeming metropolis of Cochituate, Massachusetts. I'm guessing. So, thanks to the fine people of Cochituate, MA, latitude 42.320N, longitude -71.364W (in case you wanted to know where they be at, so you can go rob and pillage) we over here in Springfield HAVE.NO.MONEY. and thus cannot clean our main roads properly. YAY.
• A.D.D Moment: I hate to name names, but today is not my day to take the blame. Naturally, I had to find someone to blame who was far enough away from me not to come put me in a "Cross-face Chicken Wing Suplex" or even worse... an "Airplane Spin Toss" followed by an illegal "Eye Poke". Yeah. You know how them Cochituatians roll. I REALLY wanted to reference the wrestling move "Snow Plow" because it would have been oh-so-appropriate but when I tried to find an example video on YouTube, all I got was this gem.
• I digress.

So, there I was... minding my own business driving at about 40 mph, heading to the grocery store with my 6-year-olds in the back seat when Captain Haywood Jablowmee from planet Drivesonasparetire. Captain Jablowmee was leaving work at Smith & Wesson. They have a horseshoe driveway out front. I saw him leave the pearly gates and enter into the driveway... but much to my dismay, he failed to stop at the stop sign and slid right out in front of my 40mph-travelling Jeep Cherokee BEAST OF STEEL. I couldn't stop in time and proceeded to effectively remove his entire front end. Something obviously broke beneath my BEAST OF STEEL because I lost all control over steering and drove right into 4 1/2 foot snow bank on the side of the road. Everyone was ok, thankfully. I am wicked sore now, probably because I saw it coming and braced myself for impact. It is actually a damn good thing that I hit him only in the front end. If he had been a little farther in front of me and I smacked into his driver side door... ugh. He would have definitly been injured. Possibly very seriously. So, I am thankful that we collided where we did.
You know you want to be me.

What the fuck was my point here?? Oh yes, a lack of blog postings. Wow... that was a whole bunch of sentenus vomitus for one simple statement. I sound like Rod Blagojevich. Blech.

Tomorrow is February 1st and you know what that means? I have to get half naked, set the camera timer and take photos of, what I assume will be, a total lack of visual progress. I will also measure again. Weigh in technically isn't until Monday. I will most likely wait until then to post the actual numbers. I'm not looking forward to it because Aunt Flo has paid a monthly visit and I feel like I could give you the birds eye view above the Super Bowl tomorrow. Ya feel me?? And oh... since I am not really a fan of either... I am having a hard time picking one team to root for. My instinct says Go Steelers... but for the simple fact that the Cardinals have never been to the Super Bowl before, rooting for them seems like a charitable thing to do.

And I am all about charity.
Charity starts at home, you know.
So make sure you start at my home first.

Weigh in tomorrow.

I have been MIA from the blog, but not MIA from the diet. I've done fairly well this past week. My exercising has not been 100%, but I did do a couple workouts and they were great. Just keep plugging away. Breaking a bad habit is hard. Starting a new habit is hard, too.

Weigh in is tomorrow and I hope it is good. I have made the decision that Sundays will no longer be my free day. It can be a non-workout day... that's fine. But not a free food day. I tend to pick stuff with more sodium in it than I need... then on Monday morning the rings on my fingers feel tight from water retention. Then I have the joy of jumping on the scale. I hope tomorrow is good... even if I just maintain I will be happy. Eating has not been perfect, but I haven't overdone it either.

I have a doctors appointment right in the middle of the morning tomorrow, so I have to make the conscious effort to fit that workout in beforehand. No excuses. Maximum Cardio Burn tomorrow. I feel so good when I am done with that workout.

Til then...
Oh.. I forgot to add - I got my bloodwork results back from my primary care doc. Cholesterol is awful. I will be posting the numbers tomorrow. The most amazing part was... my triglycerides were actually NORMAL. That is a rare occurrence for me. Back when I was at my highest weight, my triglycerides were 1008. My doc was about to shit himself. My cholesterol at that time was 256. I dieted and got it down to 193 in a year. I know I can do this.

1/20/09

I'm not an Obama fan, but this was my favorite part of his inaugural speech.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

People who sabotage

I think one of the hardest things dieters face when embarking on a weight loss journey is a lack of support from the important people in their lives.

Think about it - misusing food is an addiction. Then again, so is smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and using drugs. So why is it that people are so supportive when a person quits cigarettes, drugs and alcohol... but not food? Put yourself on a diet and suddenly all of the people who are supposed to be in your personal fan club aren't happy for you. They don't want to hear about your exercise, your diet changes, your struggles or your successes.

I understand that many times the reason for this is jealousy - usually over the fact that instead of wishing for weight loss, you are actually achieving it. Then again, perhaps it is simply that some people are resistant to change. Here you are making choices and taking steps to change how you look and feel... and your support system is too busy thinking about how your changing makes THEM uncomfortable and even reflective on themselves.

I know. I've been on both sides of that coin before. First, I was the nonsupportive friend. I was pregnant with twins when my closest friend was losing a TON of weight. She went from well over 200 pounds to 125 in a very short period of time. I was green with jealousy because I could not diet along with her. I was also jealous because I had never been successful at weight loss even when I wasn't pregnant. There she was... achieving the goals I couldn't reach for myself... buying cute clothes, getting noticed by guys... ugh. It killed me. It got to the point where I didn't want to talk exercise with her. I didn't want to hear about what she bought... never mind go shopping with her. I felt so inadequate. I was ugly about the entire thing when i should have been supportive.

Then, I spent some time on the other end of the scope. I lost a bunch of weight and I didn't have one person in my personal life who supported me. My mother seemed angry at me and would make negative comments about my weight loss. It's hard to fathom anything negative about weight loss, but being a negative person already it really wasn't that hard for her to come up with something. My boyfriend at the time started accusing me of cheating on him, losing weight to impress someone else. It got so bad that when I went and got a really cute haircut, he gave me such a hard time about my intention behind the haircut that I cried for an entire evening and actually felt GUILTY. He would oftentimes eat my Weight Watchers meals (and not because he was dieting... he'd eat like 3 or 4 of them in one day) and throw out the salads that I made and left in the fridge for my work meals. It was awful. The only support system I had were those people I had discovered online in forums and through blogs.

I am finding that these same types of things are happening again now. I only have one person, my brother, who I can discuss fitness and weight loss things with. He is also on this journey, so I am thankful to have him around. I am still friends with the girl who I didn't support... and she is now well over 200 pounds again, and certainly does not want to hear about my success. I can't blame her. I was a total ass clown to her. My mother.. well she is so focused on things going on in her own life that we really haven't talked once about mine. She heard me one day on the phone with my brother discussing diet and fitness, and later asked if we were losing weight together. I said yes, explained our $100 contest and she began making negative remarks about the set up of the contest. It was so ridiculous that I just told her I wasn't going to speak of it again with her and that was that.

So, I have to make a game plan. I've thought about it a lot over the past few days and decided that I am just going to be very sensitive about who I discuss this stuff with. I have plenty of other topics that I can talk about other than weight loss. I'm not going to torture non-dieters with exercise discussion. If I spend time with those people, I will continue to do what I need to do as far as food choices are concerned. I've asked my friend not to make jokes or freak out if I am eating something other than what everyone else is eating. I am not going to brag once I start getting closer to my goals. I will encourage them with support if they want to lose weight, but I feel like talking about my own weight loss is just rubbing it in.

It kind of sucks, because I would like a better support system but for now... this is what has to happen. There is no reason to turn a positive into a negative.